Don't Give Auntie Champagne
by Kitty.M.Smith
Summary: The demon spawn of a crude roleplay between myself and BrittS.Walker, this story discusses boobs and abuses laxatives because of Amelia's drunken sister. So, without further adu, I leave you all to enjoy the perverted comedy to follow.


This is going to be awkward, weird, totally out of my usual comfort zone, and funny as hell. I hope you all enjoy.

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Amelia walked out to the dining room, where everyone was for thanksgiving dinner, holding her three month old son, Noah, on her hip. Around the table that groaned under the weight of food were her husband, Delbert Doppler, her friend, Sarah Hawkins, Jim Hawkins, her friend's son, her quadruplet children, three girls named Tillie, Matey, and Jib, and then a boy named Sunny. They were eight. Then there was her elder sister, Victoria, who had brought all six of her children. Her eleven year old triplets, Frances, Poppy, and Elinor, her eldest son, six year old Radie, and then the youngest children were twins, Emmaline and John, who were five.

Victoria was already pouring herself some champagne.

"Oh lord, Victoria, why must you-"

"'Ut's free champagne." She said, sipping it.

"It's not free, I had to pay for it."

"Wehl, I bought you a saundwich yesturday, so shush." Victoria smirked, wrapping her graceful lips painted crimson red around her wine glass, glancing to her drop dead gorgeous husband, Charles Casey-who was better known as Charlie or Space Case. Or "damn fucking adrenaline junkie" whenever he got a hold of his wife's 1964 Cherry Red Mustang.

"That doesn't even-oh nevermind." Amelia rolled her eyes and smiled. She put Noah in her lap, letting him chew on her finger as she ate. Emma watched with a raised eyebrow.

"Muma?" She looked to Victoria, who flicked an ear in her direction as an indication she was listening. "Why does Noah chew on Auntie's finger?"

"Because 'ut tastes gud two 'im." She replied in her thick accent, which took attributes from British, English, Welsh, and a good deal of Scottish and Irish accents, churning them together to make a faintly understandable, deeply toned warble that could sooth a giant as well as it could scare the Devil himself into cowering.

"Fingers taste good?!" Emmaline stared at her fingers, looking very tempted to snack on them.

"Only two babays." Victoria replied, rolling her eyes and smiling at her. She then downed her champagne and then drank half another glass before putting it down.

"Slow down dear." Charlie said cautiously. Being a recovered alcoholic, he was always cautious when his wife got a hold of champange. Or wine. Or Vodka. Or, God forbid, she get a hold of all three and mix them together to form a concoxion that would knock him to the ground, but kept her thin body prancing around until the early hours of the morning.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." She waved him away and took a bite of her turkey. Amelia handed Noah off to Delbert at this point, excusing herself to the bathroom. Delbert smiled at his son, waving his finger in front of the lad's face. He watched with large eyes, raising his hands in the air and waving them, smacking them together in an attempt to catch Delbert's finger. When he finally succeeded, he started happy nibbling the finger. This didn't last long, though. He started to whack Delbert's chest. Hard.

"Ow-ow hey, no, no, don't hit Daddy, Noah." Delbert held his little hand and lowered it. Noah was persistant and kept up the chest whacking until the entire table was watching. Jim and Sarah looked amused, as did Charlie. Victoria was more concentraited on refilling her glass that had become empty far too quickly.

Delbert and Noah were still fussing with each other when Amelia returned, drying her hands on her pants.

"Amelia, he won't stop." Delbert muttered, moving Noah's hand once again. Amelia rolled her eyes, coming over and taking Noah from Delbert, who immedaitely smacked her chest.

"Ow, now that hurts Mama more than Daddy darling." She mumbled, holding his hand. "He wants to be fed, dear."

Delbert looked at her and blinked before registering what she had said and laughing. "He thought-thought I-ok then." He chuckled as Amelia left the room. Poppy knit her brow, looking to her uncle. "Why does she need to leave with him to feed him, Uncle Delbert?"

Delbert laughed some more. "Um, that's something for your mother to tell you, children." He cleared his throat as Jim, who was obviously thinking deeper into the subject, started laughing rather hysterically. Sarah whacked him with a slice of ham on her fork.

"Shush, dear."

"But Mom this is-"

"I said shush." She gave him a stern look. "You know this is a private subject"

"What's a private subject?" Amelia was soon back, absent of Noah. She sat down beside Delbert. "Noah was more tired than hungry, it seems."

He only nodded, trying to surpress his grin. She raised an eyebrow. "What I miss?"

"Wehl, seems ye missed the subject ouv ye tits, sis." Victoria garbled, sipping more champange. Amelia's face went red as she turned to Delbert. "What did she-"

"The girls asked why you had to leave the room to feed Noah." Delbert said rather bluntly, the triplets nodding. Victoria snorted, looking at her kids. "You don' know?"

"No, Mama." Poppy shook her head. Victoria laughed outrageously, snorting, covering her face with her hands as her cheeks turned rosy. "Oh lawd, I nevah did tell ye."

"Babe, not here." Charlie warned before shoving an impossibly large mouthful of turkey and mashed potatoes in his face.

"Oi, they're asking naow."

"We're at your sister's house n' we have cable they can watch that."

Victoria looked straight at him, downed her champagne, and then looked at her children. "Your aunt 'ad two leave because 'uts impolite two 'ave your kid suck your tits in front of company."

Amelia slammed her face on the table so hard it shook as Delbert burst into laughter, quickly taking off his glasses as his eyes began to tear up. Amelia sat up and smacked his arm, seeing all of her children looking like they felt very awkward-though they knew very well what breastfeeding was- and Jim and Sarah looking like they were trying to contain their laughter and the looks of horror on Victoria's children's-and husband's-faces.

"Victoria Carolina!" Charlie scolded after swallowing his food. Frances's jaw might as well have been on the floor. Luckily for Emmaline and John, they had no idea what was going on and didn't care either.

"Wot, they wure going to find ou' eventually."

"Yes but right here and now is not the t-"

"Babies..." Elinor unknowingly interrupted, "suck...but...what..."

Victoria rolled her eyes, slapping Charlie's hand away when he went to cover her mouth. "Baybies aure made two suck a mouthurs tits, deah. Wot, did you think these wure jus' four decoration?" Victoria patted her substantial chest.

"I thought you said they were for Papa?" Piped up a confused Radie, making Charlie turn the deepest shade of red physically possible. Delbert was now literally on his side on the floor while Amelia repeatedly banged her head on the table. Jim was heaving, his face on the table, slapping his knees in a fit of laughter as Sarah stared, secretly amused, but poker faced.

"You told him that?" Charlie whispered harshly. Victoria leaned forward, well aware Charlie was easily swooned by a woman who'd just drank champagne. "Wehl, e ausked wot they wure four, so," she grinned pervertedly, "I tol' im the truth." Charlie growled while leaning closer to her. "You know I hate when you-"

"Seduce you in frunt ouv anywon?" She teased, tracing his biceps with her finger, running it tantalizingly up his neck, to his jawline and tracing down to his chin, aware and relishing the sound of his heavy breathing.

"What the fuck kind of Thanksgiving is this..." Sarah mumbled, staring at the deeply lip locked couple, turning to Jim once she glimpsed some heavy tongue action starting to go on. Jim was just now sitting up and breathing somewhat regularly. "The best kind."

Sarah sighed. "Jim, we've got Delbert heaving on the floor, you just recovering, Amelia possibly brain damaging herself, traumatized children, and a couple in such a heavy lip lock I'm surprised they haven't died of asphyxiation. How the HELL is this the "best kind" of thanksgiving?"

Jim smirked. "We get to eat all the pie and ice cream while they go berserk."

Sarah, already out of character, grinned. "Sometimes I think I inherited a wild streak from _you."_

Jim got up, returning with a tub of ice cream and two pies from the kitchen. He gave his mother one of two spoons and began eating, using the spoon for ice cream and pie, Sarah following suit. "Nah. You're the one who taught me how to jump off a roof and not break my arm."

"Well, I was a wild child, and that hurts." Sarah licked her spoon and got more ice cream. They continued enjoying their treat until they were both stuffed and laid back. It was at this point Victoria and Charlie took a breather, allowing Charlie to notice the empty tub of ice cream.

"Did you two...eat all of that?"

They looked, smirked, and nodded. Charlie pursed his lips, trying not to laugh. "That was laxative ice cream."

Their smirks disappeared.

"What do you mean?" Sarah demanded, sitting up, groaning. She noticed the feeling of her bowls noooot agreeing with her.

"I brought that stuff over here awhile ago when Delbert was ill...my Mawmaw made it...to..." He snickered. "Help people with constipation...you guys just ate a gallon of laxatives each!"

Victoria cackled like a witch as Jim jumped up and ran to the bathroom. "DUMB FUCKS!"

Then the power went out.

"Shit." Muttered Amelia. "Where's the torch..."

"The wha?" Charlie said, blinking.

"The flashlight, Charlie." Delbert said, fiddling around with things on tables before taking out a small flashlight and illuminating the area. Victoria snatched it from him and shined it down her shirt, shoving her hand between her breasts and pulling out a very large flashlight.

Delbert blinked. "How do you fit that-"

"Delbert, don't you dare ask that question." Amelia warned. He went silent.

"Tits aure gud four things outhur thun 'usbunds aund babays."

Charlie looked like he wanted to die.

Jim and Sarah sounded like they wanted to die.

"Victoria, stop. Come along everyone, we are going downstairs." Amelia sighed and turned on the flashlight Victoria had harvested from her bosom. She then led the group to the basement, who all got adjusted on various couches and chairs as Amelia turned on oil lamps around the room. Just as she sat there was a knock on the door, followed by the walking in of Victoria's daughter from a previous marriage, Minerva. The grey furred black haired feline was curvy and sometimes a bother.

"Hi." She sat down by her mother. Victoria stared. "How'd you get here."

"Our power went out, so I came over here."

"Why?"

"Because I love you mommy." And she hugged her. Victoria chuckled and hugged her daughter back.

"So, what I miss?" Minerva asked, looking at the group.

"The conversatun abou' breast feeding aund o' me tits belong two." Said Victoria. Minerva immediately got up. "I'm out."

"Nu you're nout." Victoria got up. Minerva looked terrified. "Naow thaut you're 'ere I caun tell you abou' sex."

"EW, MUM, NO, NO, NO!" Minerva squealed, running to the door while the other occupants of the basement felt themselves dying inside. Victoria stumbled after her and shoved her away from the door and locked it, shoving the key between her breasts. Minerva's eyes widened in horror. "UNLUSS YOU'RE GAY YOU'RE STAYING 'ERE. NAOW SIT." Victoria demanded. Minerva obeyed unhappily.

Victoria then stood before the group of family and friends, the moans of Sarah and Jim mixing with the brewing storm, hands behind her back.

"Naow, thus is why you're nout allowed two visut your boyfriend's 'ouse."

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All characters either belong to my friend or Disney. This was spawned by a RolePlay, and I know the ending sucks. I hope you enjoyed this story. Do not steal.


End file.
